dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
