the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize