She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
