shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
