Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize