my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
