i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
