I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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