I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize