She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
