Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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