if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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