i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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