im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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