he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is my gift to your gina
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
