I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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