Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
