I checked into jail on foursquare
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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