...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize