Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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