worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
