these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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