I could make wine with my vomit
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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