ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
