My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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