Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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