i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize