Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
