It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
