totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
