So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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