I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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