3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
