soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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