im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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