are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
