Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize