I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
