ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize