i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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