guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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