This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize