Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
