I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
