He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
