So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
