Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
