I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
