At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize