if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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