I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
