So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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