dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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