is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
