R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
