I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
