I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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