she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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